Here's the biography page, or more accurately, Dumb Stuff Nobody Really Wants to Know. But apparently websites need these. Hmmm...about me... I am just some random geek. With a crappy pseudonym. (Where does my lovely intarweb moniker hail from, you may ask? Ever see the godawful Rankin-Bass ROTK cartoon from the '70s? Remember that grating great song the Orcs sang? That's where.) I have a knack for making up very bad screennames. (Plus it kind of stands out among all the "Alakthondwien"s and "LijahsAngel"s.) I have gray eyes and a chronic inability to take myself seriously.

I live in the middle of nowhere, better known as Maine, possibly the most boring chunk of the entire USA. It's very cold here and there are way too many pine trees and farm animals. We do have nice lobsters, though. And Stephen King. And...um, never mind, I guess that's about it.

As you can probably tell from my page, I like Lord of the Rings a lot. Especially the Orcs. Not to mention the Uruk-Hai. I guess I'm kind of a blasphemous fan...I don't deify Tolkien, and think he was kind of a stinker about certain things, but that doesn't stop me from being fascinated by Middle-earth. Believe it or not, I've actually read Tolkien's books. I love them. I just happen to express my affection in er, very peculiar ways.

As for other stuff about me...I also have an insane love for really bad movies and stupid cartoons. I like some anime and manga as well, but the really obsessive anime fans scare me...Favorite authors of mine (besides Tolkien) include H.P. Lovecraft, George R.R. Martin, Guy Gavriel Kay, Loren Eiseley, Tad Williams, Stan Nicholls, and J.K. Rowling. (There, I said it. I like the Harry Potter books. Shut up, you.)

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Here's myemail address. If I don't answer an email you sent me, either a) my spam filter accidentally ate it, or b) the email in question was crotch-punchingly stupid. Think about which one probably happened. I've also got one of those LiveJournal dealies where I store my brain farts. Here's my dusty, cobweb-covered deviantART gallery (critique plz!!1) And if you're feeling especially masochistic, check out my FanFiction.net profile.